Inconceivable

Title: Inconceivable
Author: Carolyn and Sean Savage
Major Themes: Infertility, IVF, Family
Synopsis: When a medical mistake caused Carolyn to get pregnant with another couple’s embryo, Sean and Carolyn had to decide what they were going to do.

I’ve been listening to the audiobook Inconceivable for a few months now, and finally took the time to finish it today. I’ve been interested in the story ever since I saw an ad for it on Instagram one day (I guess Instagram ads do work sometimes?), and it was interesting to get to read it. I can’t say this is my favorite book ever, but it was a good read, and I’m glad I got to know the Savage’s story now.

With more couples struggling with infertility and other reproductive issues these days, stories about people who have chosen to go the IVF route are more common. What isn’t very common, though, is what the Savages went through—becoming pregnant with another couple’s baby due to a mix-up in the lab. I have friends who have done embryo adoption, and observing their journey and a few other stories I’ve heard over the years, I’ve had a glimpse into just how difficult—and tenuous—infertility and IVF treatments can be. Even if you do get pregnant through IVF, the chances of it being a viable pregnancy don’t appear to be that high. So when I heard about the Savage’s predicament, my heart went out to them. This isn’t an easy thing to undertake in the first place, but when you’re faced with unprecedented choices on top of the already difficult path that led to pursuing IVF in the first place, I had to wonder how they handled it all.

One thing I appreciated about this story was how Sean and Carolyn reached out to get help as they navigated the many choices and grief before them. They were strongly pro-life and chose not to abort the baby, but then they had to decide whether they were going to try to fight to keep the baby or surrender him to his genetic parents when he was born. When they finally decided to give him back to his genetic parents, with no strings attached, they then had to learn to live with the reality that despite the difficulty of the pregnancy, and their growing love for this child, he wouldn’t end up being theirs. Their faith as a Catholic couple, their family, and their community helped them walk through the next few months and years.

Even though I have walked through painful circumstances, I cannot imagine trying to come to terms with the grief described in this book. Yes, it was the right choice…but trying to imagine coming to a place where they were okay with the decision was difficult, even for me as a reader. How, as a human being, could someone become okay with going against their instincts and everything in them and give what felt like their child to someone else? It’s incomprehensible, but the grieving process this family went through is, in a small way, a picture of what God did in sending Jesus to this world—going against everything He, as a Father, desired for His Son, but going through with it anyway, because of His love for us. Incredible.

If you enjoy true stories of hope coming out of difficulty, Inconceivable would be an excellent choice. The Savage’s story is inspiring and encouraging, and although I don’t agree with all of their choices, this was a story I’m grateful to have had the chance to read. 

I was given a complimentary copy of this book, and this is my honest opinion of it.

WARNING: Chapter 1: description of an embryo transfer, “I felt like hell”, “pretty darn happy”. Chapter 2: mention of being at a party and drinking, a kiss, “trying like hell”, a mention of how a child was conceived, “a load of crap”, “hell, yes”, “beat the hell”, “what the hell”, woman hemorrhaging and losing a twin. Chapter 3: lying, “scared the hell”, “I needed some zen”, “holy shit”, “shit”, “damn”, bleeding. Chapter 4: “sweet mother of God”, heck. Chapter 6: “my God”. Chapter 7: “where the hell”, “trying like hell”, “what the heck”, mention of “being intimate” (once or twice) “smart-ass”, and a mention of drinking. Chapter 9: mention of surrogacy, “goodness”, “hell, yes”, “damn”, “God only knows”. Chapter 11: lying, “darn”. Chapter 12: “holy moley”, drinking wine, lying. Chapter 13: another mention of surrogacy; “surely karma would circle back around”; “what the heck”, “what the hell”, “scared the hell”, “God, I hope so”, “hell, no”, “swore”, “oh my God” (x3), “what the hell”, story of the birth, “oh my God”, a miscarriage. Chapter 14: “living hell”. Chapter 20: “it felt like hell”. Chapter 23: “I whispered a prayer to [a baby]”.

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